Naneghat Trip

This post appeared first on CoolAge in two parts. You can check it out at the following links:
http://www.coolage.in/2011/12/05/naneghat-trip-part-one/
http://www.coolage.in/2011/12/07/naneghat-trip-part-two/

The Iranian chai at Matunga with its unique flavour, sensation and aroma clicked active that part of the brain, which had been dormant for months. These months, they left us bewildered with Macroeconomics, Accounting, Supply Chain, et al. And we were still fighting within our own selves to find a way out. The decision to trek in the Western Ghats aroused the butterflies in the bellies and we set out to search for the lost cave atop a hill. The trek team consisted of Debashree, Kartik, Rajeev, Vaibhav and, yours truly, of course. We reached back our respective hostels at 0100 hours, 27th November 2011, 37 hours after our final exams. With cricket, South Bombay heroics and multi-cuisine luncheons, our systems pleaded for some sleep after a hectic exam schedule. But, the fire to explore more, kept us detached from hitting the sack as frequently as possible.

All of us, barring the vibrant Vaibhav, slept for 2 hours only, as we had planned to start at 0400 hours from our hostels to take the first train to Kalyan. Probably, the first time something was executed on time despite having a girl in the team. We reached Kalyan by 0530 hours bang on, and en route we were greeted by hot water disguised as chai in Dombivili station. We waited for the Shirdi bus to start and as the normal Indians that we are, three of us adjusted in the bus seat capacitated for two. Finally, when the bus did start at 0645 hours, we felt overwhelmingly blessed. The bus conductor was super-confident of where the foothills of Naneghat started which he said in his fluent Marathi that we decoded into Hindi and understood later, as his willingness to help us out. As luck would have it, we crossed the foothills of "Naneghat" at around 0800 hours, and had to ask the conductor to stop the bus. One can easily spot the difference between a super-confident man and an over-confident man; a super-confident man says he saw a time machine land here in this village; an over-confident man says that he made that time machine land in that village. Our conductor turned from a super-confident man to an over-confident man and didn't stop the bus and kept on reassuring us that the destination is further down the road. After half hour of further travel and still no signs of Naneghat, added along with some public venting of pressure, he sheepishly accepted that we have crossed the point. With no guts to throw swearing gaalis on a government employee in the middle of a Maratha village, we religiously got down and then hurled the E/C gaalis at him, after the bus left, of course.

Standing in the middle of the road, all that we could see was the Grand Canyon-structured, air-cut mountains of the Western Ghats. We were 15 km ahead of our starting point and we were told to wait for a truck or a jeep that will take us back to the trekking point. With some assistance from the local Police post, we boarded a truck that was going in our desired direction. Five of us in the small driver cabin, we were six in all, the driver included. With twisted necks and pressurized limbs, we reached our trek's starting point at 0930 hours. What should have been a cakewalk was achieved with some bum-paining efforts and it took us such a long time to reach the starting point. And what lay ahead was a search to reach the long-forgotten cave.

So, we reached the foothills of Naneghat. We started walking along the only available path and were met by a stream-bed. As rocky it can get, the Woodlands did come into the picture and was a major assistance in trekking. Google terms this trek as an "Easy" one, but as one would have it, we had to turn it the other way- "Difficult". We followed the bed of rocks and with each meter the slope was increasing by a good fraction of a degree. There were places where tan θ was put to shame while we were on our fours. And what amazed us the most was, each of us, wherever we saw, deciphered a path that could take us to the top. We did reach the top and when we did, it was only to discover that there was another, further higher. The slope was ever increasing and was indirectly proportional to the amount of water we were carrying.

We reached a second top and by that time, we were sure that we were off-track and by no means would we reach the cave. Taking inspiration from Columbus, we set to discover a new cave/peak/place. We set a target and promised ourselves that we will trek until 1230 pm. Peak after peak we went and finally we saw the biggest of the peaks. Life becomes a lot easier when we know where we have to reach, but it becomes a lot interesting when we realize that we will reach somewhere, no matter when and how. And so did we reach the peak, better than everything that we had come across and when one looks back at the trails, it's just amazing to feel that we have trekked so far.
It felt great to be there with complete silence around, listening just to oneself. To feel that, that was life – The higher you grow, the more careful you must be. Everyone down there look so tiny to you, but when you fall, the greater the impact will be and sometimes unlucky enough that no one cares to remember you, after the fall. Just when my mind was taking the philosophical route, I realized that the pug didn't stop following us, after all. Rajeev's phone rang and thanks to you Vodafone, we realized that the peak wasn't a virgin one. Vaibhav came up with an idea of shooting an ad for Vodafone and there, with our minimum equipment (a digicam), we shot the ad (which in under process now and will be released soon).

After half hour's rest, we started to descend down. And the terrain was absolutely magical. With a torn shoe grip, Vaibhav was on the casualty side at most times. Forests, jungle, tough roots, spider webs, creaking insects, rattles of snakes, barrage of slippery rocks surrounded us and the only hope to reach a place of human habitation was the traffic sounds from the South-East, towards which we were moving. Even the descend wasn't as easy as we had presumed to be. We owed that to the difficult path that we had voluntarily taken and were we glad that we did- We could reach ground zero in an hour! Out on the highway, as we waited for transportation, there came the dusty truck again. Hitchhiking on the truck, we made our journey to the nearest dhaba, to pacify our hunger growls. After a delicious meal, luckily enough, we managed to get an auto to a nearest town. After two consecutive jeep drives we reached Kalyan, from where we boarded the local train. It was 1900 hours when we reached our hostels. A strong coffee and a Saridon shot the headache that I was carrying along and it was 0800, the next day, when I opened my eyes again.

If..

We all dread one thing in life. Wish we could change it, but the least that we can expect is not to change our relationships, our lifestyles, our likes-dislikes and most importantly ourselves after the dreadful event. The scared truth is not thinking about what if you die and what will be life after that? On the contrary, the graver truth is what if your loved one dies and what will be life after that?

One certain thing is, that we all will die, one after the other. Who is next in line is the million dollar question! What amazes me more is why should we get close to someone, live with them, share happiness and sadness with them and finally see them die! Why do we put ourselves through those moments of happiness, when we know that we all are going to die one day? Is the juice worth the squeeze? The juice of sharing a life with a closed one and letting them die, while being helpless. Is it worth the pain that we experience afterwards? The pain of leading an uncertain life ahead and thinking that life would have been beautiful if only they didn’t leave us.

I would say yes and a sure yes. Those moments of closeness, care and joy are beyond the capacity that a single life can take. When the sheer absence can make you feel miserable, what would have happened if you hadn’t known that such a joy existed? The realms of change would have been impossible to handle and it is the mind that feels the way that you want it to feel. It’s very difficult to come out of pain and lead a life where the probability is certain that you will lose another loved one, sooner or later. But can you stop loving just because you know that even this loved one will cease to exist?

On the other hand, won’t it be wonderful if we take death by this collar and strangle it to death? Shall we live to live the only life that the Almighty blessed us with? To live it to the fullest and be ourselves, every moment of it. Even the closed one would expect the same from us. To live a life like you always wanted to live, because the last wish of anyone is that they should have lived a life that they would have wanted to!!

The man named Phillip Kotler

B-schools students across India, barring few hate one name in their first term. No prizes for guessing Phillip Kotler. An economist right from birth, he haunts the marketing minds of the nation with his “Ctrl+C – Ctrl+V” therapy. “Ctrl+C – Ctrl+V”, a patented technology by the engineers of the SWITCH companies (Satyam, Wipro, Infosys, TCS, CTS & HCL), has risen to the issue and has filed an IPR breach suit against His Excellency Mr. Kotler in Bombay High Court. Last week when Aal-Baal news interviewed an anonymous student from a premier B-school in Mumbai, he said that “I didn’t find any difference between the chapters ‘Creating Brand Equity’ and ‘Setting Product Strategy’. All His Excellency has done is, use the “Ctrl+C – Ctrl+V”. He has also gone on to use “Ctrl+H” for replacing the word “Brand” with “Product”.”

With more analyses coming in from all over India, an independent report that is on a viral on Facebook states that, His Excellency didn’t get shortlisted in one of the leading FMCG company G&P for a Marketing profile. A probe into the issue revealed that they rejected him because he carried an Economics profile and had applied to a marketing role. On conditions of anonymity, another management student from Mumbai exposed that “All the chapters of his book states only one thing – Customer. When he preaches the concept that “Customer is the king”, which is widely known and is nothing but common sense, why doesn’t he deliver a right product to his own customers, that is us? He writes a book that is read by everyone, but none understand the content.”

A pass-out from the same School of Management said that he didn’t know how he coped up with the book which haunted him in his dreams. “I used to see His Excellency in my dreams and always got confused if I was the customer or the marketer. Give me one chapter; I can roll out 25 chapters from that.” With such high-yielding challenges, will His Excellency Phillip Kotler understand the strategic repositioning that his book needs to undergo? Will he advertise or promote the book after incorporating the cutting edge strategic changes and improve the brand name, ensuring that the brand equity doesn’t falter? Only time will tell, until then enjoy Marketing – one of the best subjects of Management.

Are we ready for another Uncle Sam?

Introduction

There were things that we all knew. Before getting to the genesis of the whole USA (Under Skirt Adventure) business, let us get our facts right. USA’s current deficit is $14.398 trillion and it has to pay $500 million as interest every day. This debt sharing works out to $121957 per family. No one knows how USA has benchmarked the meaning for a family. A society which is famous for MILF, Naughty America and BangBros, how does one define a family per se?

Hail Uncle Sam

USA has a Debt Ceiling Act through which it can increase its debt cap by passing it in the Congress. Earlier the debt cap was raised to $14 trillion. Since, it has been breached; US is in a mood to increase it by another $3 trillion. The justification of this rise is given by the fact that they can pay back $2.4 trillion of that money, if they raise $3 trillion. It’s like when we have drunk 6 pegs of Vodka already and are on the brink of getting out. Yet, we still want to drink more. Thus we borrow money and drink some more and forget about returning the money when we come back to our normal senses. Guys, get out the Hangover2 soon!

Before stacking up all blame on USA, let us get back to history on how USA became such a powerful country. Founded in 1776 (as was Naughty America!!) a group of docile people pushed out the aborigine Indians and made it a Centre of Excellence. Years passed. After the First World War, a standard for money exchange became the need of the hour. Many companies came up with Gold as an answer, while USA went a step further and fixated a value for Gold in terms of dollar - $35 per ounce of Gold. Things spread slowly and international trade began to be done in Dollars. No one questioned the reason why it has to be done so, because they equated gold to dollars and no one questioned them the rationale behind the quantification. And why didn’t anyone question, was simple enough.

Games they play

Every World Bank President till date has been an American and USA has 17% quota in its Senate. And the minimum vote share required is 85% for any loan to be approved. Why would anyone go against the US, questioning their rationale? Dollar out of US (World Bank, IMF) flow into other countries, while other countries buy U.S Treasury Bonds (US’s euphemism for loans), US dollar starts to fall, while other countries try to protect the dollar. What is US doing?

In 1971, our Watergate hero Richard Nixon came out with a brilliant idea that the dollar will divorce gold. What he meant was dollar was just a currency from thereon with no value to back it up - Simple paper, worse than a Zimbabwean Rand. One incident after another, USA started feeling the pinch. S&P downgraded it from AAA to AA+ (Let us not laugh, we are a bloody BBB-). And the reasons for their rational behavior are as follows:

1.      Unemployment rate was at 9.2%. Approximately 14 million people were unemployed which meant that the government has to spend on Social Security, a concept unheard of in India.

2.     Long wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, which meant that they had to spend on military expenditure. Is this the reason why their presence in Libya is very limited?

3.     Expenditure on medicare.

4.     With an IQ of 125 (91 is a false news), George W Bush came up with beneficial tax cuts in 2001 and 2003. The years being specific because, in those respective years they went on wars with Afghanistan and Iraq.

5.     Because of all these expenditures, USA is not able to invest in its physical and intellectual infrastructure which is hurting them a lot.

The current US deficit is around $1.3 trillion and everyone is watching on how the situation could improve. The dollar cycle will go on until the world perceives that the dollar has no value and a day will come when someone can take advantage of it. Who would it be?

How is India in a position to take advantage?

We are at 14^th position in terms of exposure to US debt – $41 billion, while our close friend China tops the chart with $1.5 trillion. But the Indian culture of consumption for satisfying needs than for luxury has insulated us very well. We are very protected by our economic culture of spending today’s income for tomorrow’s expense. There are a few countries like PIIGS (Portugal, Ireland, Italy, Greece and Spain) who are caught in the deficit spiral by spending tomorrow’s money today. Greece actually pledged their “Toll revenue” to get financial aid and the rest is history.

India has some positives to look for such as the decline in oil prices once the dollar depreciates, which will decrease the interest rates; increase in FIIs, etc. While there are a few negatives which include slowdown in FDI, pressure on Rupee to appreciate in turn affecting domestic markets as imports become cheaper, exports taking a blow due to dollar depreciation, we are, still, there to take advantage of the situation. But how? With fasts and incapable governments?

We are here to see a promising future when things outside are in a turmoil. There are few countries in the world which can actually turn things around. India being one among them can seize the situation and turn it around completely, if she wishes to!!

(With inputs from Anoop Sherlekar)

First peg of Bombay Life..

Everyone was hooked onto their new laptops. Some were installing software, others skyping and the rest on facebook doing nothing. And that was my n^th call from Suhail to get ready to step out of the campus. When someone asks a question like who will be ranked the last in the class, hardly any hands shoot up. Everyone thinks that they won’t be the last, yet there is someone among them who will come last. Applying the same logic, no one was ready by 8 PM, yet everyone wanted to leave by the same time. In small groups of 3-4, we started for Kanjur Marg station, the nearest to the campus. It was indeed nearest when there is no traffic and one can easily take an auto to reach. But, talk about walking the whole distance, you would find no takers for it. Yet against all odds, 15 out of the 16 pseudo-intellectual kids made to the station by foot (myself, Dhruv, Kartik, Kaashi, Chotu, Parthiv, Nikhil, Boro, Debshree, Reshu, Hemangi, Tanya, Rajeev, Vijay, Suhail and Nisan). Vaibhav was smart enough to reach the station well in advance and paid the penalty by buying extra tickets (None returned the money yet, so eventually he paid for everyone’s travel). To add interesting information, there were a few guys at the station who winked at him, mistaking him to be a member of IITB’s “Saathi”.

The slow train to CST made its way into the second platform of the station. With 45 minutes chit-chat, we reached CST. The kids were so hungry that they did not even spare a stale samosa. They hogged down until the last tiny crumble, while the confusion of who is going where were sorted by big shots. As it happens in all the board room meetings, no conclusion was reached and the whole lot headed to Leopold’s, barring two mariners who went to the Marine Club. And to our surprise, Leopold’s was ready to accommodate a 15-member group without any fuss. Boys in the house were hell bent on getting drunk, while girls in the house just wanted a break out loose.

After placing the initial orders of beer towers, steak pasta, iced tea, burgers and coke, the first toast was raised for the first weekend in a month. The past month was strenuous like never before. The kids felt like the mayonnaise sauce that squeezes itself out of the tightly packed grilled buns. Once the boys started tilting towards the higher side, the dissertation on “how to identify Indians hailing from different parts of India based on a single word “B****C**D”” started. The good thing about being in a delightfully high company is that, one can easily reach a conclusion. It is quite true that great minds work cohesively when the right kind of motivation (beer) is provided.

One can’t keep the Punjabis in the house out for too long, without them singing their favorite numbers. With 7 Punjabis in the house, one has to oblige their wish to sing, even though the Leopold’s’ waiters thought otherwise. Then came the highlighted phase of the song session – we picked up common songs in Hindi and Tamil and thanks to ARR, we had quite a few numbers. Until then 5 beer towers were gulped down by 7 of them and 3 Coke cans by me. With a vote of thanks by “Bhaag DK Bose”, we exited Leopold’s and headed for Nariman Point.

One word – Absolute beauty. Moonlit Arabian Sea, waves crashing the rocks on which we were sitting, talking about places to visit and things to do, each of us actually felt the pulse of the moment. Knowingly or unknowingly we connected back to our past, thinking about our personal best times, sinking in the unrealistic reality of living life the way we always wanted to. The erstwhile Mumbai police came and warded us off as there were indications of high tide and that’s when it started drizzling. Bombay, chicken, beer (read coke), beach and rain with no deadlines to meet – A few of the blissful moments in life. We settled down along the rocky shore singing songs once again, this time with the aid of mobile phones.

Once the mood of the group changed to Back Street Boys, I, Kartik Calling Kartik (Kartik Dua), Debu (Debshree Buttercharjee), Hooda City Centre (Reshu Hooda) and Gullu (Vaibhav Gulati) left for a walk along the shore. Sensing the ramblings in our stomachs, we set out to pay a visit to Haji Ali Juice Centre. Apart from the Queens Necklace, the other roads in Bombay are also studded with lights, buildings and well-lit showrooms of Porche and Aston Martin. Disappointed in finding out that the juice centre to be closed, we headed straight to Shalimar Restaurant in Masjid. After having fulfilling Faloodas, we walked to the Masjid station to catch the first local train back to Kanjur Marg. En route, we discussed about why Bombay never sleeps (barbers were busy shaving at 4 am), existence of God, aliens and a lot other trivial stuffs. We reached the campus by 0515 am and hit our beds and for the first time in a month we had no idea of when to wake-up to reality. Cheers!!!

The Beginning of an End

The Mayan calendar stops on a particular date in 2012. We are just a few months away if at all there really is anything serious on the cards. Scientific theories such as the magnetic poles shift, increase in solar flares, etc. can give an insight into how true the dreaded date can be. Natural disasters such as Earthquakes, Avalanches, Tsunamis, Floods, Famine, etc. can push us to the last step of human existence. But, nothing will force us to give up on humanity and the life after everyone’s death. That can be caused on to us, only by the US, for the US and of the US. May be that is why Democracy is a widespread tool to tackle the human race. Having said about the tool to tackle us (the people and not the country), another tool to destroy ourselves (probably a better word than US) is the Nuclear arsenal that we carry on our shoulders.

We have problems galore with six billion humans on a single planet. When one goes a few centuries back in time, the frequency of sighting a UFO was a lot higher than what it is now (nearly nil). When one goes a few millenniums back in time, the occurrence of an alien visit is corroborated with the evidences in the form of cave drawings, temples, monuments such as Pyramid, Stonehenge, Nasca plate, etc. which are spread sporadically on different places across the globe. The question is not about whether they really visited us in the past. Hands down they have! But the real question is why did they visit us? Was their race coming to an end? Were they searching for a place to live, sustain and transfer their learning to the untransformed human mind? Were there too many of their species like how we have right now on Earth, that they had to move out? If given the crunch, do we, the Earthly people, have an alternative to go somewhere else?

To defy the logic of the existence of extra-terrestrial life, all we have to do is to think from a bird’s view (or say a space ship’s view). We have nine planets in our Solar System and the closest place where we can find, nearest to the existence of life, is Mars. We don’t know anything about the other planets. Our Solar System is on one of the corners of our Galaxy – Milky Way. How many stars (For starters, Sun is a star) would be there in our Milky Way (approximately 200 billion stars) and how many planets (approximately 50 billion planets)? And imagine how many such Milky Way type galaxies are there in our Universe. And yet, we think we are alone in this Universe? Man has got some nerves!

Firstly we haven’t ascertained that we are the lone beings in our solar system. Secondly, the nearest star to our Earth that is proposed to have planets is at a distance of 10.5 lightyears away. That being, if one travels at the speed of light, one needs 10.5 years to reach that star which has a couple of planets. Finish the assignment there and then head for the next star. And to do all these things, we first need energy systems to propel our ships to travel at the speed of light. Considering human’s lifespan (the elaborated one, that one has in space as well), we need atleast two educated families to travel the ship. The children have to learn the trade from their parents, procreate and their offsprings have to keep on continuing the same for a lifetime and beyond a lifetime to ascertain that we are indeed alone or until we find somebody else.

All this is possible and we can do it to find alternate planet to live on, to do the things that the aliens did for us in the past, to teach them our findings and learning, to attain the Godly image, to make them worship us (some irrationals already do that here on Earth) and to live our extended lives. We, the humans can be aliens for someone else to whom they look up to.

For that we have to do two little things. One being, not to decimate ourselves with the Nuclear warheads pointing at each other. The current Political arrangements encourage a lot to see the “The End”, but will there be anyone to see it in real time. We have to avoid a Nuclear War at all costs lest we destroy ourselves before 2012.  The other being, spending time, energy and money on finding an energy source, may be Nuclear Fusion (taking a cue from our own Sun) to travel through space.

 We have a long way to go before we find a breakthrough and patience is the key. Every finding should be recorded and things have to be made easier for the next generation to carry on from where the current one leaves. If only the secrets of the Pyramids and other prominent structures were recorded, we wouldn’t have had to start from scratch again. Nevertheless, if we don’t pay heed to the first point, we have to start out all over again with the primitive man scraping a piece of wood unless we leave a Mentos behind. Once again, there will be races – F1, MotoGP, Tour de France (if France is found once again) and Stone-Copper-Iron-Nuclear Arms and we will be visited by aliens once again and wait for another 2012 or the Sun to give up. 

Genesis of a habit

One fine day in July 2009, we all decided to give the CAT, that year. Oh yeah! The (un)Common Admission Test that one, born in India, gives to fulfill one’s as well as one’s parents’ dream, not to dare to think beyond the IIMs. Five of us set ourselves to tame the CAT and get ourselves released from the pressure-filled Aluminium smelter. To bell the CAT, one had to be thorough with the concepts and, in the process, give a lot of mock tests, which, in turn, makes a mockery out of one’s self-respect. Concepts were at the back of our palms and we had the self-belief that concepts can be created out of thin air, like the lies that we create, while reporting to our managers at the end of our shifts. The only hitch was giving the mock tests as that required us to register ourselves with one of the premier coaching institutions. Spot one coaching institute in the whole of Jharsuguda, let alone a premier institute, and there will be torrential rains in Thar Desert.

After a bit of research and a lot of money out of our bank accounts, we made the brave decision to register ourselves with TIME, Rourkela, which was 134 km from Jharsuguda, on the ‘Diary Milk Silk’ road SH10. It was a Sunday, and a supposed off for the five of us. I was apprehensive to ride a bike for that much a distance as it was raining cats, dogs and tigers. I took the pillion seat in the Pulsar 200 behind Narayan, with Manish and Pratap on the Hunk, while Abir was the loner with the Pulsar 150. The raincoats were robust, and we never got wet inside until we stopped for our breakfast at a dhabha, some 30 km from Jharsuguda. With some hot Badas (Vada in South India) in our tummies, we reached Rourkela after two and a half hours.

Circling around Rourkela, with its sharp cuts, twists and turns, we finally reached the centre. To our amazement, we learnt that Abir had already enrolled for the course (which he revealed then) and our view of him changed from the innocent chap who drove in the rain without a raincoat, to the traitor who was already on his way to the IIMs. There was a mock test in the process and except Abir, none were eligible to take it as we had enrolled just then. We questioned our commitment in travelling 134 km every Sunday to take up the mock tests, but when we thought about our plight in the plant, we readily convinced ourselves that distance should not be an issue. The TIME-center person happily pocketed the money and told us that all we needed was an internet connection; that we could indeed take the tests from back home. And the reason being; CAT was to go online from that year. What a relief! Within a few seconds, money transferred hands and we were on our way to the IIMs.

Jharsuguda being a place without a proper theatre, we took balcony tickets in a theatre in Rourkela for a stupid movie “Shortcut”. Like the name of the movie, we took a shortcut half way through it and made our way to Moksha – the bar. Joined by a friend, Nitin, from SAIL, we had a nice time and it was five in the evening when we started back. Pratap was in no mood to ride and that was my cue to take reins of the Hunk. I did ride on that smooth road during our onward journey for a few kilometers, but, a whole of 134 km with Manish (he didn’t know to ride a bike then although he owns a Karizma now) as the pillion was an exasperating thought. It was fearsome, yet I enjoyed more than I thought I would. With a slight drizzle and the serene silhouette of the mountains, the ride was refreshing. The ride enchanted me and made me relax the nerves of a long ride.

As expected I didn’t make the cut in CAT ’09, although it was one of my best performances. And, as expected, Abir and Manish didn’t even bother to give the exam. And, as unexpected, Pratap cleared it and made it to IIM Lucknow. And then I understood why there was “Luck” in Lucknow.

The trip made a deep impact on me. Not because of the drive to bell the CAT, but the drive on the highways. Wasting no time, I bought a Royal Enfield Thunderbird and was on the same road “n” number of times to go for a coffee at the nearest Café Coffee Day. Biking, that started as a necessity, turned into a passion and became a habit. And 134 km was just a start to the life of biking thrills and frills as I was back on the road again and again..

Fast at Fault

India has never invaded any country in the past 10000 years. It has been invaded by many countries, individuals, kings, paupers, you and me. Startling, isn’t it? When did you and I invade our own country? Let me just recall what I learnt in History. I learnt it because all that my History school teacher did was to spit on the first benchers when she delivered a lecture (Another main reason why I was a back-bencher). As far as I can remember, the Pandavas and Kauravas fought with each other for the kingdom. Although clear facts are not established if they came from somewhere or they belonged there. If one has to go into the past that is even before Mahabharata, there are these Ancient Aliens invasion, which theoretically proves the invasion.

Now, coming to known facts, there was this Alexander dude, who sooner or later succumbed to Indian melodramatic emotions and returned back. The movie-name starrer Ghazini, his mate Ghouri, et al. raided the then Bharat. Then came lots of other dynasties and along with them came from Mongolia, the Babar with his Mughal Empire. Not to take anything away from the Europeans, the Brits, French, Portuguese and their entourage, they made their presence felt. We have come a long way from all those things, and then we have the Chinese and Pakistani invasion.

In Pakistani terms, it is India’s invasion, proving our premise wrong. But, Pakistanis are never correct. They said, they didn’t have Osama-bin-Laden, but they had him safely guarded. They said they had nothing to do with Mumbai attacks, but, upcoming evidences show otherwise. The only thing that they said which came true was that they said that they won’t allow Sachin to hit his 100^th century against them. That came true despite dropping 6 chances and we solely have ourselves to blame for this mishap. Talking about China, since they feel that people from our North Eastern states resemble them in physical features, it’s their birthright to have a share of Arunachal Pradesh, as of now. We don’t have invasion problems from our other neighbouring countries such as Nepal, Bangladesh and Sri Lanka, but, if you and I can invade our country so well, they too will be soon drawn to the temptation.

For long now, we have had this corruption thing going on. I personally feel that it dates back even before those 10000 years of anti-invasion policy that we hold close to our heart. Then why crib about it now? Insensitive question to be asked, but, we have poor policies that encourage corruption. Let me site you an example from my own life. I bought my bike in Orissa where I registered under the “OR” code and paid Road Taxes worth Rs. 5000. It turned out that I had to shift base to Tamil Nadu. Now, I need to re-register the same bike under the code “TN” and pay an additional Road Tax of Rs. 5000. We are a country and everytime I move my base station, I need to pay more cash. Since, I already paid a lumpsome, why should I not pay only a handful and get done with the formalities? Why unnecessary hassles? I lose out more than what I can possibly earn. What is the shortcut here when a traffic cop holds you? No prizes for guessing, yet, we throw blatant tantrums against corruption.

It was just a small-scale example bolstering the argument on policies. Taking a cue from “Atlas Shrugged”, all the policy-makers think that there is no way to rule innocent people. The only power any government has is the power to take on criminals. When there aren’t enough criminals, they make laws and policies to make some. Our government declares so many things as crime that it becomes impossible to live without breaking laws. When we break laws we are susceptible to be corrupt. And that is how you and I invade our own country. We need policy changes, the root-cause of all corrupt, not a bill to bring the corrupt to the face the law, which again is corrupt. We need to stop invading our own country to stop others from invading. As long as we don’t address the base question, we will be invaded by countries, individuals, kings, paupers, you and me.

Bong-ed

Trichy was as hot as it can get in the month of June; second only to the May. And thankfully, I wasn’t available at Trichy during May. The first day of counselling was smooth as I was one of the early visitors at NIT, Trichy and I made my choices that very first day. As expected, the campus was barren. I saw absolutely no girls as far as the horizon could curve. One could reach the end of the world, yet not find a single female species. I slowly started to realize the pulse of the sulking engineering life looming ahead. The next day, the results of counselling were announced and I had got into NIT Durgapur for Metallurgical Engineering. Heck! Where was that place now? And Metallurgy? What is that?

With a few like-minded would-be engineers around, I learnt that Durgapur and Metallurgy went hand-in-hand, like cigarette and smoke. I was first taken back by the unusual simile, but later on understood the pun intended. Discussing more on Bengali culture, food and Durgapur as a place; one particular information annulled every other drawback I had been hearing about the college. Bong girls. Their flamboyant attitude, innate beauty and contemporary elegance were nicely backed up with practical examples like the Sen Girls – Sushmita, Reema, Ria, Konkona, et al. I happened to have been inspired by a Tamil chick-flick called JJ, which was about a guy (hero played by R. Madhavan) searching for his love (heroine played by some beautiful female Bong actor) shot in Bengal. The magnificence of Kolkata scenes had enthralled me right then.

Until then I was of the opinion that the train to Kolkata travelled over the Howrah Bridge. On the contrary, I was gladly welcomed by the reality that one can even walk on the same, throw a couple of coins into River Hoogly and can have a look of the new Suspension Bridge across the river. All through my journey from Kolkata to Durgapur, I was intimidated by the Raxaul-bound crowd of Mithila Express. I was an independent bird, with wings of liberty. With a new-found fellow fresher in Sreenu, who was skeptical about ragging in the institute, I finally reached the place which had the scented aroma of iron ore and coal barracks.

I boarded the bus to the college which is known as R.E College in the local slang. I hadn’t sat in a public service bus (although run by private companies) as small as this and found it comparable to a matchbox on wheels. I was also astonished to note that there were no separate seat reservations for female passengers as one can find in TN buses. To my surprise, a beautiful Bong girl in a pink salwar, the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my life, sat beside me. For a moment, I thought, this could not be true and to trust my fortune, instead of pinching myself, I pinched her by mistake. An angry grin, yes, an angry grin came across and I lauded myself for making Durgapur as the right choice.

If this was the case with luck when one lands for the first time in a city, I congratulated myself on how lucky things can get, thereon. To my utter dismay, which I came to discover much later, neither did I find that girl again in Durgapur, nor did I find that expected quality of beauty in Bong girls, in my four years’ stay sans the 1-2-3 pact that I had with Abi. Not knowing how abysmal my fortune would run, I started the journey in the Prantika-bound matchbox with an exciting career in heart and sleazy dreams in mind.

  

Mario to the Rescue

Mario with the help of his brother Luigi reached Mumbai. He has some work to do now. After travelling all these seven stages he finally landed in Stage Eight. He travelled all these stages because he didn’t use time warp in the worlds 1-2 and 5-2. Such a waste of time and energy he thought to himself. But, his idea was very clear now. All the princesses that he had saved earlier were bogus ones and the real princess was hidden in the castle guarded by the dragons of all the dragons.

Having lots of castles in the Mumbai region, it was a very difficult task for Mario to shortlist the one castle and carry out the rescue operations. He thought of acquiring the CIA’s help in zeroing in on the castle to attack, but, then it struck him that Mumbai is bigger than Abbottabad. Although, India and Pakistan are on par in displaying their negligence on some foreign terror/US Navy Seals attacks, yet Indians atleast have guilt of shame. They have a pseudo-strong media to question them in the form Arnab Goswami, Karan Thappar, Pranab Roy, et al. in comparison to Pakistan. They are there to rip the politicians’ rears. So, Mario was convinced that he can’t take external help, but have to seek the intelligence expertise of Islander and the Contra brothers.

With much planning in the boardrooms of Powai, Mario and his intelligent army trickled their option down to the castle in Bandra. With CCTV’s footages, they learned that the house was guarded by not one, but, three main dragons of 3G nature. One-Two-Three. They were fast, furious and insanely lame. Mario learned more that they were popularly infamous in the country for their recent advertisements in the country. The common people wanted to kill themselves for watching those ads and the menace was increasingly disastrous.

Mario wanted to free the princess not for the fact that he had a liking for her, but, he wanted her to save her from the clutches of the 3G dragons. The 3G dragons moved in the city as a common man or common men in the avatar of the only stupid Bachchan.

Mario set out on his mission. No helicopters, but, he needed only Chilly Mushroom and CauliFLOWER Manchurians to gain height and firepower. He went into the Bandra castle. Minute by minute he was tested by the stupid Bachchan. He eliminated one-two and later NO IDEA how, he eliminated the third. He did a double favor to the people of the country and also to the princess Rai Bachchan by eliminating the 3G Bachchan and the people of the country lived happily ever after.