Bong-ed

Trichy was as hot as it can get in the month of June; second only to the May. And thankfully, I wasn’t available at Trichy during May. The first day of counselling was smooth as I was one of the early visitors at NIT, Trichy and I made my choices that very first day. As expected, the campus was barren. I saw absolutely no girls as far as the horizon could curve. One could reach the end of the world, yet not find a single female species. I slowly started to realize the pulse of the sulking engineering life looming ahead. The next day, the results of counselling were announced and I had got into NIT Durgapur for Metallurgical Engineering. Heck! Where was that place now? And Metallurgy? What is that?

With a few like-minded would-be engineers around, I learnt that Durgapur and Metallurgy went hand-in-hand, like cigarette and smoke. I was first taken back by the unusual simile, but later on understood the pun intended. Discussing more on Bengali culture, food and Durgapur as a place; one particular information annulled every other drawback I had been hearing about the college. Bong girls. Their flamboyant attitude, innate beauty and contemporary elegance were nicely backed up with practical examples like the Sen Girls – Sushmita, Reema, Ria, Konkona, et al. I happened to have been inspired by a Tamil chick-flick called JJ, which was about a guy (hero played by R. Madhavan) searching for his love (heroine played by some beautiful female Bong actor) shot in Bengal. The magnificence of Kolkata scenes had enthralled me right then.

Until then I was of the opinion that the train to Kolkata travelled over the Howrah Bridge. On the contrary, I was gladly welcomed by the reality that one can even walk on the same, throw a couple of coins into River Hoogly and can have a look of the new Suspension Bridge across the river. All through my journey from Kolkata to Durgapur, I was intimidated by the Raxaul-bound crowd of Mithila Express. I was an independent bird, with wings of liberty. With a new-found fellow fresher in Sreenu, who was skeptical about ragging in the institute, I finally reached the place which had the scented aroma of iron ore and coal barracks.

I boarded the bus to the college which is known as R.E College in the local slang. I hadn’t sat in a public service bus (although run by private companies) as small as this and found it comparable to a matchbox on wheels. I was also astonished to note that there were no separate seat reservations for female passengers as one can find in TN buses. To my surprise, a beautiful Bong girl in a pink salwar, the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my life, sat beside me. For a moment, I thought, this could not be true and to trust my fortune, instead of pinching myself, I pinched her by mistake. An angry grin, yes, an angry grin came across and I lauded myself for making Durgapur as the right choice.

If this was the case with luck when one lands for the first time in a city, I congratulated myself on how lucky things can get, thereon. To my utter dismay, which I came to discover much later, neither did I find that girl again in Durgapur, nor did I find that expected quality of beauty in Bong girls, in my four years’ stay sans the 1-2-3 pact that I had with Abi. Not knowing how abysmal my fortune would run, I started the journey in the Prantika-bound matchbox with an exciting career in heart and sleazy dreams in mind.

  

Mario to the Rescue

Mario with the help of his brother Luigi reached Mumbai. He has some work to do now. After travelling all these seven stages he finally landed in Stage Eight. He travelled all these stages because he didn’t use time warp in the worlds 1-2 and 5-2. Such a waste of time and energy he thought to himself. But, his idea was very clear now. All the princesses that he had saved earlier were bogus ones and the real princess was hidden in the castle guarded by the dragons of all the dragons.

Having lots of castles in the Mumbai region, it was a very difficult task for Mario to shortlist the one castle and carry out the rescue operations. He thought of acquiring the CIA’s help in zeroing in on the castle to attack, but, then it struck him that Mumbai is bigger than Abbottabad. Although, India and Pakistan are on par in displaying their negligence on some foreign terror/US Navy Seals attacks, yet Indians atleast have guilt of shame. They have a pseudo-strong media to question them in the form Arnab Goswami, Karan Thappar, Pranab Roy, et al. in comparison to Pakistan. They are there to rip the politicians’ rears. So, Mario was convinced that he can’t take external help, but have to seek the intelligence expertise of Islander and the Contra brothers.

With much planning in the boardrooms of Powai, Mario and his intelligent army trickled their option down to the castle in Bandra. With CCTV’s footages, they learned that the house was guarded by not one, but, three main dragons of 3G nature. One-Two-Three. They were fast, furious and insanely lame. Mario learned more that they were popularly infamous in the country for their recent advertisements in the country. The common people wanted to kill themselves for watching those ads and the menace was increasingly disastrous.

Mario wanted to free the princess not for the fact that he had a liking for her, but, he wanted her to save her from the clutches of the 3G dragons. The 3G dragons moved in the city as a common man or common men in the avatar of the only stupid Bachchan.

Mario set out on his mission. No helicopters, but, he needed only Chilly Mushroom and CauliFLOWER Manchurians to gain height and firepower. He went into the Bandra castle. Minute by minute he was tested by the stupid Bachchan. He eliminated one-two and later NO IDEA how, he eliminated the third. He did a double favor to the people of the country and also to the princess Rai Bachchan by eliminating the 3G Bachchan and the people of the country lived happily ever after.

Appy Fizz time :)

Every damn day was difficult with a daunting task ahead of me. The whole world who knew what I was after, called me a fool, lunatic and an insanely crazy person. I was in a very nice position with a fat pay-package is an MNC, when I thought that enough was enough. I called it a day after two years of hard-work and abruptly stopped my ascendency. What I set out next was a crazy idea if you are an Indian and know about the way it works here. The only best thing about India is that, when you go out in the battlefield, fighting for your most prized possession, with nothing in hand, you find yourself in a corner, with millions of better people in the same battlefield, eyeing the same prized possession.

Day in and Day out, I assiduously prepared for the D-day. One of my successful brothers once told me that the one who has never failed, can never taste success. On January 12^th, I failed. I failed because of Statistical errors or whatever reasons they were. My preparations were good, I gave my best and yet I failed. I failed miserably in the section which was my percentile booster in the previous editions. It was as if the world was mocking at me. I didn’t sleep for many subsequent days. May be I slept because of fatigue. Again, it was one of the toughest periods of my life. I pushed myself to the extent that I convinced myself saying that the worst was yet to come and with this in mind, I kept pushing myself forward.

Hard-work pays, but, only in instalments and never can you have all at once. The subsequent exams were disasters followed by calamities. For the first time in my life, I was unsure about myself. To the outside world and the social media I was known as the adventure-man, travelling far-off places with no intentions in mind. But, deep down inside, I was coming to terms with my failures, with a huge question of “What’s next?”

By God’s grace and I must say that by God’s grace, I cleared a couple of exams. Though not convincingly, I was ready to take up anything that I can lay my hands upon. On a beautiful Friday, SJMSoM gave me a call. I knew that it was my only chance to make it up for the lost ground and I told my dear one that I will make it, if they just gave me a call. Just one call and I will cover up my shoddy performances. To gain practice, I gave 6 real-time interviews before my panacea. I used up all my experience of bad interviews in the one that mattered the most. I gave it, and once I came outside the interview hall, I knew for myself that I nailed it. Exactly a month later, the results came on 27^th April and the final verdict was not different from what was expected. I stand to face the world of achieved something, but, a lot of hard-work was done by my family (mom, Subha, Sharanya) and friends (Sangeet, Abir, Alok, PPK, Adi, Shweta, Monica, Praveen sir) to keep me standing against a strong current across my face.

My IQ increased by 3 points, I learnt to smile a lot, I learnt to be serious in life, I became mentally stronger and most importantly, I learnt to deal with failures and not to accept defeat until I finally lost out and invariably, I learnt to celebrate life…….

Appreciate the journey, because it is always better than the destination.

Sutta..

The cigarette was in my mouth. The urge to light it in front of her near the Prof. Canteen made me realize the importance that the cigarette gained over her. The cotton bud was tasteless, yet so soft. It took me back to the “Heat Transfer” class when my professor gave a problem to calculate the time taken for a cigarette to extinguish, while the tip is 810ºC with pre-determined values of latent heat of tobacco and length of the cigarette. The question carried on the onus of plotting the graph with MATLAB on varying lengths as well. Nevertheless, the one in my hand was the first one, out of my money. Two and a half bucks for a Navy Cut and the clear-cut path to cancer was sitting tightly between my lips. I lighted the match stick. It went out in a flash with the help of a strong breeze. I didn’t know the art of lighting a cigarette and I already was in my pre-final year. Struggling again, I tried, but, in vain. With ample shame, I asked the guy of the couple-next-bush to light it for me. He happily agreed and there went my first sutta into the bush and never came back - My first and the last cigarette.   

Moral of the story: Never share three things in life: Underwear, girlfriend and first sutta.

A night-out at IIM-Lucknow..

The bus from Kanpur dragged its bit out. The place I had to get down was Aal-Baal. Or that is what I got of the name, Alambagh. Lucknow was just 84 km from Kanpur and yet it takes two hours to reach the place. It was a bumpy ride and I could reason out why Uttar Pradesh is still in the BIMARU list. The rail connectivity between two important cities of the state was good, but the trains are never on time. Road connectivity was haywire. I saw railways crossings, like the ones in Bhurkhamunda village in Orissa, in NH25 connecting Kanpur and Lucknow. Construction of flyovers was on, but Gammon India would need their time to construct, maintain and collect their toll taxes.

Nevertheless, Aal-Baal came. Oops, Alambagh. It was a crowded market place and reminded me of Chandi Chowk, Delhi. Fighting all odds against the traffic, my friend Pratap finally got there to spot me. Vroom as we went and he showed me the railway station upfront. Trust me; it was one of the most beautiful Mughal architectures. It took my breath away, though my fellow Lucknow-ites where just whizzing past me, oblivious to the marvel, embellishing the place with pan flavoured red juice. As a part of the ritual, I had to pay my visit to Tunday Kababi at Aminabad. I never knew that, kebabs could actually melt. These Tunday kebabs, they did. Before we knew that it was 2000 hrs, 3 plates of kebabs vanished down our throats.

Pratap, then, told me of his plans of visiting the Janpath of Lucknow. On our way to the Janpath, one thing I noticed about Lucknow, reiterated by Pratap, was that the traffic signals at Lucknow do not work. Except the one I found in a busy market area. The signal near Vidhan Sabha did not work and so did the one near the Janpath of Lucknow. When I entered the Dr. Bhimarao Ambedkar Smarak in Gomati Nagar, I realized that it was not Janpath. It was Jannat. Elephant statues adorned the place; the haathi-senas were sculpted with red stone. Not only were there statues, but also bridges, structures, arches and various other portraits. It looked like Central Park of New York, although, my knowledge of the international hangout spot is only through hear-say. But, I felt that was the most justified way of describing Gomati Nagar’s flourished art work display - roads were wider; bridges over River Gomati and at fantastic speed on a motorcycle, the place didn’t look like the clichéd Uttar Pradesh.

We zoomed towards the prestigious Indian Institute of Management. A 15 km ride took us to the magnanimous school of management gurus, the fact being that it never seemed to come, until it really did. Carved out inside a dense forest, a passerby wouldn’t have an iota of knowledge of an IIM in that vicinity. We went in, and just like any other government institute the guards didn’t bother to awaken from their deep slumber. A peek into the ‘evergreen’ campus and I came to know that they do grow Grass which by popular thought was considered relaxing. Not to mention the inmates’ favorite code-word – “3.4” which translates to the 24 hours BSE (Booze Sutta Exchange) that is at 3.4 km from the main gate.  Thanks to constant pestering, Pratap took me to Himanshu Rai’s residence. I wanted to break a glass or two, but there were other serious issues, like the Indian cricket team being slaughtered by chokers, to watch out for.

As we reached Pratap’s hostel room I headed straight for the common room, greeted by just 5 guys watching the high tension match. My question was “Are you nerds kidding me? Five is all the number that you could muster for this livewire drama?” Yet, one cord of similarity between an ordinary Indian and an IIM guy was “Why did Dhoni give that last over to Nehra?” Reasoning with the former question, my logical thought was to believe that these guys weren’t watching the match for obvious reasons: because of their everlasting assignments and quizzes. On the contrary, the real reason was that that it was a Saturday night and thus there was no better thing to do than to attain Moksha.

Every wing had a party zone and every party zone was filled with guys directing gaalis at girls (they had a better word starting with the alphabet “b”), professors, the nine-pointers (euphemism for c**k-suckers) and obviously their untalented friends who made it to IIM-A. The generic widespread frustration among the lot was how close they were to IIM-A, but on the note of grapes being sour, they boasted of a better placement statistics than their considered rival school. I had an awesome night-out and never felt out of place. I never had to introspect on the fact that I could not make it there, despite which we all belonged to the group of souls enjoying similarities in rock music, grabbing pegs of soda and banging our heads.

It was four in the morning when I took an auto-rickshaw to the railway station as my train back to Delhi was at 0525 hrs. It was a journey to remember and quite obviously from my past experiences, the train was late. When the perpetrating train did arrive, I took my seat, with no fellow passengers for company; I settled down to sleep, until I was awakened by a co-passenger in Kanpur.

He is immortal..

I first saw Him in bits and pieces when the tournament started. But, when I saw His cover-drive, I became a die-hard fan of Him. Even in that match, when He got out the scoreboard read 99/1, soon, the team was reduced to 120/8. Fifteen years later, I saw Him with naked eyes and He was still the same person. No amount of adulation or pride can ever get to His head. I have seen ordinary mortals succumb to fanfare and the pride that they carry with them and perish, but, immortals have their own way.

Time and again He was tested. With injuries, with atheists’ ridiculous criticism, with God testing His own counterpart, but, He came out strong. He came out victorious. Five World Cups later when I see Him donning the dark blue jersey, not an ounce of the spirit to win the coveted cup has reduced. When, His team won the toss and the 39,000 people in the ground knew that He was going to come out and bless them with an avalanche of beautiful stokes, but He chose not to. The umpire didn’t hear the nick, so didn't the rest in the ground, yet, He walked back. The reviews would have helped reaching a decision on His return, yet, He displayed His integrity.

He came back to the field and was fielding in the opposite corner to where I was seated. Every ball that went towards Him was cheered. Every time He went near the ropes, six year olds to sixty year olds cheered His name. And He waved back. He knew He had disappointed them earlier in the day, but, a wave of His hands to the mad crowd made their day, if not years to come. Finally, in the last half hour of the game, He came towards our side of the ground. And we called out His name and He waved back. A man of His stature waved back to us and I had Goosebumps all over my hands. I realized that I can never realize what He is made of. So much pressure from millions around the globe, so much expectations and still He has His head on His shoulders. I don’t think that is humanly possible. I haven’t taken His name and still you know who He is. He is not the greatest because of His records, but, because of the person He is. He is God and I will sacrifice my life for Him and so will billion others.

Zoozoo vs Sachin!!

The focus shifts to cricket for the last time before the world comes to an end in 2012 - One of the main reasons for its end being Sachin Tendulkar’s expected retirement. Aal-Baal News has strong rumours that Vodafone has been reported to be have cashed in on the big fish. In a bid to strengthen its market share in the 3G sector as well as the forthcoming 4G, Vodafone has initiated talks with the God of cricket. The Messiah of cricket, who has given respite to billions of cricket fans all over the world from poverty, corruption and suppression with his style, performance and charisma, has previously done ads with Airtel and Reliance in the same sector.

When Jithan Ramesh Welingkar of Ogilvy India was contacted over the issue, he was surprised on how the insider talks became so prominent. Blaming it on the Superman-3G-zoozooo for letting clandestine information out, he divulged certain important details exclusively to Aal-Baal News. Mr. Welingkar who shares the middle name with the run machine has conceded to the fact that they have zeroed in on Sachin, because, wherever he goes, people follow him; which in a way is Vodafone’s ex-marketing strategy. Elaborating on the “wherever”, he said that even when Sachin gets out, the whole team, batsman after batsman follows him back to the dressing room. “This is one pattern that can be unanimously seen over the past 20 years and it is still continuing. More than the billion followers of Sachin’s batting supremacy, it has always been his teammates who has consistently followed him over the years”, iterated Jithan.

When asked whether the Superman-3G-zoozoo will take a hit when Sachin’s ad takes the centre stage, Mr. Jithan said that they have a long time to go before formulating and roping in the resources. “Sachin is the person whom we follow, but, the pug which personified the network will be replaced by a dummy Indian team, which gets all-out before a special pooja is made in the nearby temple for the same cause not to happen.” opined Jithan. “He is our perfect representation and we at Ogilvy have tried and tested patterns.” explained the issue with an example of the recent India-South Africa World Cup match.

Aal-Baal News’ personal opinion on this issue is that Vodafone and Ogilvy has realized it better late than never. They thought that the Indian team will improvise on their mistakes and won’t follow the pattern for such a long time, but Ogilvy were consistently proved wrong. If the deal goes through, it will be the perfect stage to express why India loses every time Sachin scores big and finally zoozoo will have to work their ass off, if they have one, to survive competition from the original Superman.

Before Light

This is a story that was not recorded, but, pure fiction. If it violates any Holy Book, I sincerely apologize for my ignorance. This is a Pilot. Kindly, share your comments.

It was cold outside. Science was nowhere to be seen, so were religions. The darkness creating a shadow of doubt if there will ever be light. Then out the blue, came the monologue, “Let there be light”.

God was scanning through his network to find the right place to create life. He was so bored after the “Big Bang”. Just that it has happened, there was nothing much interesting happenings in the cosmos. He bookmarked a few planets from different galaxies and started sculpting the various life forms. On a lottery basis, Earth’s life form was chosen to be made of Carbon. Planet Zrancia’s beings were that of Phosphorous; Germot’s were Silicon; Streghout’s were that of Nitrogen. And their respective periodic table elements were left to discovery. And more so that it was centered on their respective base element. That is, Carbon for Earthians, Phosphorous for Zrancians and so on. But, He made a mandatory clause of Oxygen being the breathing element.

Zrancia, Germot and Streghout made a head-start, as their version of Adam was not a fool like ours. The respective Adam didn’t eat their respective versions of apple and came out strong in the test. But, with time they also, one by one gave into temptation. The more they resisted, the powerful they became. The winners were endowed with the cosmic knowledge, they were ahead of time, and teleportation was their normal means of transport. Light was their toughest competitor, but, Earth still didn’t have their dominant life-form. God punished Earthians for giving into temptation.

After deep thought, God gave Earthians a chance made Man. Man was very soon visited by many of his cosmic counterparts. Their technology was so advanced that they manipulated their version of DNA to Carbon’s version. On the other hand, man was happy that he invented fire. The Extra-terrestrials taught man things that he portrayed to the outer world as if he had found them. Wheel was one of the examples of plagiarism and there were more to follow. Man ruled relentlessly and gave the Zrancians, Germots and Streghouts the name “Gods” and erased every source of their extra-terrestrial nature. With time, man became a slave to the tyranny of man himself. God started enjoying this play and thought to himself, “Let there be enough light to this drama and I must say that Man is the best creature I have made. He is just a Carbon copy!”

Sham(e)

The “Digital generation” as we call ourselves is one of the most selfish generations to have resided on this planet. We don’t see what can be learnt from our Gen-Ex but, we google a lot of other things. Things have changed a lot in this age, that we feel that we don’t need anyone to support us. We feel that we are independent to lead our own lives, but, search for new virtual friends every day. We have so much digital security around us, but, still we feel so insecure about ourselves, looking for recognition in a virtual world.

Earlier, society was largely confined to the neighborhood. We used to get to know people when we venture out to play in the evenings. After school, bring your friends home and the respective mothers, catch-up with each other. There were no Saas-Bahu serials to discuss upon, but, exchange of cooking recipes and knowledge on religion were a part of the usual story. Dads came back in the evening with chocolates and ice-creams and obviously, weekends meant to play with GI-Joes and Hot Wheels. Life was uncomplicated. We knew people, we were happy in the real sense.

Things have changed and I don’t refute that the same things are being done by the kids of our generation and the succeeding one, but, only with a simple twist. The Facebook status goes saying, “Got a new GI-Joe, who wanna come and play”, and followed by “23 likes” and a few other comments. The Tech companies have made so much in-road that sensing your urge to play the particular game, they create online platforms and let you rot in it. There were no cell-phones, but, still we found our friends, but, now, the call is perennially on wait. These are just a few examples. But, the real question is where have we gone wrong? We have so much time, yet, we don’t spare a moment for each other. Why are we lacking the integral part of our integrity?

My view on this point is that we have moved away from religion. Taking a cue from a personal incident, a few years ago in an audition for the Literary Circle, NIT-D, I made it to the final round. There, I was asked a question, “If you were given a page in our magazine to write upon, what will be your genre?” I answered, “Spirituality”. I wasn’t paid much heed from thereon and was eventually not selected. I don’t say that I was not naïve, but, that was all I knew irrespective of the confusion, which religion to follow. Thinking from a magazine’s point of view, they were right in not selecting me because spirituality hardly sells (Deepak Chopra has got it in him).

But, neither do we learn from our elders. They have lots to offer – assiduousness, determination, security (financial, economical, emotional and spiritual) and lots more. But, we hardly seem to notice them all. We seek for a closure online. We try to be cool and look like a fool (obviously, copied from song lyrics). Are we are still happy – in a virtual world and in a virtual sense?

O-balm-ah -> The panacea

Shahrukh Khan could have waited for 10 months to proclaim that he is not a terrorist. Barack Obama is in town and he is going to reside in the pristine Taj Mahal hotel in Bombay. Do Kasab and his forefathers have the balls now to target the targeted? May be they won’t, after all he is Barack Husein Obama and he also is not a terrorist (atleast presume him not to be). But, the whole confusion is what takes the centre-stage in the agenda of the meetings; be it economic ties (selling Nuclear technology to India), strategic ties (tell to China that India is better than them), military ties (respite to Pakistan-Kashmir issue) or the  Uncommonwealth ties (India’s ties with Iran).

Economic ties: USofA cajoled India to sign the Nuclear deal promising to set-up blah-blah nuclear plants all over the country, but, took away the outsourcing jobs. American companies are  free to set-up the units to produce power and bridge the power shortage that India is facing, but, God forbid, if any accident occurs the companies won’t take responsibility (that’s what the deal says). Planning to repeat a Bhopal tragedy? To protect American jobs, the outsourced Jagan to Jacob and Manish to Mark have to lose their jobs. And India said yes to it and reached a compromise on the economic ties. We were given only the cherry of the big-cake where the full cake was taken by the Americans. Could we expect to divide the cake properly on the so-called economic front?

Strategic and Military ties: You go to China, tell them, “Hu-bro, you gotta poke your nose into Kashmir and facilitate a solution”. Hu must have said, “Barack, my mate, first let us take Arunachal Pradesh from them and then we will talk about Kashmir”. I think Hu Jintao must have misunderstood “facilitate a solution” to “make Kashmir China’s”. And you come to India and tell us, “Man-paaji, you and China are pretty strong here in this region and we are anyhow cutting our ties with Pakistan. So, give Arunachal Pradesh to them and take Kashmir from Pakistan”. Does our netas have the balls to say, “Barack-ji, both Arunachal Pradesh and Kashmir belongs to India”? No, they don’t. They will nod their heads and ask Obama if his plate has to be refilled with Chicken butter masala.

Uncommonwealth ties: What is your problem, if India tags along with Iran for economic exchange? Dude, eventhough India makes the most-fuel-efficient cars and also the cheapest cars, we do need oil. You for the better part of the centuries had and have Iraq under control; you have so much oil that you can mix it with water and still not be bothered about it (Gulf of Mexico). But, we need someone who can sell oil to us behind the counters at Diwali discount. Next month we can ask for Bakrid discount followed by Christmas, New years and Maharasankranthi. We have our plans cut-out, but you wouldn’t allow us to prosper.

Obama dude, Watch “Robot (Enthiran)” Relax over here. Don’t worry about the recent resignations in your office; don’t worry that you didn’t bag Nobel Prize for Peace for the second time (although you have done your best); don’t worry about anything. This is India. Yehan pe sab kuch CHALTHA HAI!!! (Anything is acceptable)