Incredible India Shining for Bharat Nirman

This article has been inspired (partially copied) from David Aaker’s “Nation Branding – What works?” People who know Aaker needs no introduction. He is probably the best in the business of brands. For people who don’t know Aaker, don’t even try to find out. You are better off without management education.

India is a country that has been highly misinterpreted and misconceived in the past, present and the way things look like, the misconception trend will continue in the future also. Pre-colonization, we contributed roughly 25% of the world’s GDP. After 190 years of British Raj, we were contributing approximately 8% and currently at 3%. What has happened in those three centuries that our market share (of course it is kind of a market share) has dropped from 25% to 3%. It’s like what a Kodak or a Fiat Padmini has managed to do. So, India has been subjected to more of a management problem than political, economic or social ones. We have poor trade secret ethics and we sell everything too cheap. We sold cotton cheaply during the British Raj, we sold our freedom fighters pretty cheap and finally after independence we started selling our human capital as well. In other words, by having a License Raj and restricting opportunities prior to 1991, we sold the best of our people to the outside world where they became successful and the word “brain-drain” was introduced. We concentrated more on our selling that we forgot to hold back what was needed for ourselves.

Our biggest strength has been always been our people. And our biggest weakness has always been, too many people. When asked in an interview about your weakness, we smartly maneuver the answer that we end up convincing the interviewer that my biggest strength is also my biggest weakness, as if the interviewer is a noob. We should also do that – dress up our weakness and portray it as our strength. Fortunately, truly in our case, our strength and weakness has been the same (I hope you are convinced – our biggest weakness is actually a strength :P) H. G. Wells once said, “Advertising is legalized lying.” Every organization advertises or promotes itself. And so do nations. David Aaker gives a four pronged strategy to do the same.

1. Hosting global events:

We are a pioneer in that, aren’t we? We host those global events through which we can make money. For say, there was the CWG in Delhi and we made a lot of money and the same case with ICC Cricket World Cup 2011. The previous edition of the same that we hosted in 1987 and guess who the sponsors were? Reliance. So, by hosting global events we promote our country by being caught in all possible scams, spams and spasms.

So, when and where can we host Olympics? If we start working towards our “where”, the “when” will take care of itself. Since our major metropolitans have maxed out, we must look at a place which has rich cultural history, represent India on the whole and has been completely ignored until the recent past. No better place than Wasseypur. After Sardar Khan, Ramadhir Singh, Faizal Khan and their clans have settled their scores, Wasseypur unanimously becomes the perfect choice to host the Olympics in a safe and sound manner. The only gunshots that will be heard are that of the Olympic event “Shooting”.

2. Events created and owned by industries:

All software related global events are held or atleast tried to be held in our country. But, apart from that, we can create Knowledge Forums like DDDKF (Dynasty Democracy Duplicity Knowledge Forum) or KFC (Knowledge Forum for Corruption) or say KFCCI (Knowledge Forum for Control of Corruption in India) which can be duly organized by BCCI (Board for Control of Corruption in India).

We can also focus on promoting arts and give a fillip to our Jaipur Literary Festival and make it to the top of the newscharts by inviting legends like Salman Rushdie and then acting to unwelcome him. More art forms in the neglected part of North-East India can be given some focus before China claims it to be theirs.

How can someone forget Bollywood or Indian Cinema on the whole? We are the pioneers in sending entries like Barfi, Jeans, etc. as nominations to Academy Awards (Oscar) for the Best Foreign Language Film and also enjoy meaningful movies like Tees Maar Khan and Student of the Year. Next time when we send our nomination, we should send the movie Teen Sau (300, dubbed in Hindi) and baffle the Hollywood on our smartness. Why don’t we stage our own Aascars Award and invite foreign films to file their nominations for the Best Firang Movie Aascars Award. Stumped!

4. Identification and leverage of country symbols:

Australian Cricket team comes to India and loses a test series and its captain takes his wife to Taj Mahal. Totally unrelated, yet you get the point right. Taj Mahal, the symbol of love, is the symbol of India outside India. Named like (Mu)Barack Obama, (Mum)Taj Mahal would have too big a brand name to be promoted. Like Taj, we have zillion other structures which promote peace, tranquility, arts, natural miracles, etc. that needs promoting. To reduce the traffic at Agra, why don’t we promote the poor man’s equivalent of Taj Mahal known as Bibi ka Maqbara built in Aurangabad by Aurangzeb. Now, how many of you knew about that before wiki-ing about it.

We have temples, mosques, churches, gurudwaras, tombs, bridges, dams, historical war locations and the list is endless. The only thing we don’t have is structures denoting Ancient Aliens invasion. Wait, didn’t India exist even before the Aliens came down!

4. Encourage and leverage corporate brands:

This we have done fairly well. Tata, Birla, Reliance, Bharti, Infosys, et al. have created a positive image about India. We are not only a land of elephants and snake charmers but also of software engineers and back-office customer care executives. We are also the businessmen who are recognized today on a global level, thanks to the brain drain. The biggest competitor to the private sector business houses today is the government. They are always there for all the possible wrong reasons hogging the limelight. As the cliché goes, any kind of publicity is publicity.

So, when we can’t do anything on our own, we seek foreign help. So, can we bring in a Business Consultant from Italy to run it for us?? Or we already did!!!

What are you smoking, dear leader?

In the world conclave 2030, the head of the world asked, “How many of you countries are corrupt?” Almost every country’s representative raised their hand. Atleast they were being truthful. Sensing that the times have changed, he rephrased his question, “How many of you countries are not corrupt?” None. He beamed a sigh of relief and asked “How are the whistleblowers doing? Where are they gonna find shelter when all of you are corrupt? If you are not going to feed the world with problems, the world will retaliate with problems. The have-nots will fight for wanting to have what they haven’t had, as if it is their birth right. The ones requiring the have-nots support to sustain their government, will promise them glories that they won’t be able to fulfill. If the promises are fulfilled, the have-nots become the haves and then there will be equality…. But, no justice to the haves. Instigating the haves against us is the last thing that we want. My dear friends, don’t create equality without justice. That is more harmful than inequality with injustice as in this case at least inequality and injustice have company for each other. If you are not able to control, create chaos. Remember, the big bang was a chaos. Once it all settles down, there will be peace only to be shaken by another chaos created by another of you my friend.”

“By making each and every one of us corrupt, is the only way out. All of us being corrupt is the only way to bring about equality and justice. Then will raise the problem of who is more corrupt? Inform them like a slow poison, that the punishment for committing a murder is the same as committing ten or a thousand. Provide them with the just society they have been asking for. Let them fight for topping the charts of corrupt survival. Let the society create inequality within itself on the lines of being highly and lowly corrupt. Without inequality there is no progress. When there is no progress, the human race will degrade.”

There was pindrop silence as if everyone were waiting for his final order. He paused for a moment, looked up with outstretched hands and then murmered into the mic, “Let there be chaos.”