The article is based on real-life
experience of self and others (my wife included in others!). Any sentence
denoting a person living or dead is purely intentional.
Wedding, shaadi, kalyanam,
thirumanam, vivaham is one of the most complex rituals in India. It is so
difficult to get through one that starting a new political party and winning
elections becomes a cakewalk. It’s filled with rules and regulations of do’s
and don’ts and one shouldn’t be surprised if one comes across IIPM offering
courses on them. IIMs can’t because marriage execution involves a lot of
Planning. :P
So, marriage is less about the
two individuals under the scanner and more about the two ‘broad extended’ families
scanning the two individuals. The definition of ‘broad’ is quite broad that even the length and breadth of the
universe wouldn’t suffice to define and demarcate the broad extended families. Everyone has an opinion and every opinion
counts. And there is a scale of hierarchy to whose opinion matters when, which
must be included in the course Opinion
Management Systems (OMS – 101). No matter how distantly one can be related,
the age always count. They all accede to one common philosophy here – the elder
the person, the wiser he is, even if uncle Alzheimer has visited the elder
person long ago. If there is a clash on the elderness (yes, I had to invent the
word, as my editor is away for a while), they choose the person who is closest
to the family. They can’t go and verify the birth certificates and all you see,
because these people are so old that dinosaurs used to be their pets. You can
easily identify them with the phrase, “During
my times and all……” and your response must be, “How cute?? Was it a Trigonosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus?”
Once that is ascertained, the few
ones who have the heads at the right place would say that these rituals are not
practically possible to be performed, “See,
times have changed and we will have to move to the modern times..” That’s
it. That’s the end of story of their participation in the marriage. They are
impeached that very second and their pink slip is sent through an overnight courier
called ‘Ignore Express Ltd.’ Although
they are fired, their perks such as food and lodging are retained. Only their
consultancy services are severed with immediate effect. Based on their reconciliation,
their future services for the upcoming weddings in the family will be
evaluated.
Now that the sane ones are out of
the picture, here come the diplomatic ones. Although they are the spine to any
wedding, they are the ones to get hounded in between the trio of modern
generation, the wedding executioners and the old-ritual-based-elders. They try
to take the side of everyone in the picture that they lose their identity. They
are like the call center employees who for no fault of theirs get screwed by
the customers because they represent a particular company, “Welcome to Airtel
customer care service. How may I get
screwed for you now?” Finally, when they try to bring every stakeholder on
to the same platform, the arriving guests will have a problem with the schedule,
the photographer will have a problem with the angle, so-called-well-wishers
will have a problem with the date being on a weekday, caterer will have a
problem with salt and pepper, some wayward guests will have a problem with
accommodation and food, decorations-wala will have a problem with the length of
the stage, speaker system will have a problem with compatibility, light-years-distance
relatives will have a problem of
not-being-welcomed-properly-and-not-given-importance and more and more
problems.
Amidst all this, there are a very
few people who are really close to you who don’t have any problem at all. They
are the brothers, sisters, friends and relatives who care for your happiness
more than anything else. They keep telling you one thing, “Only, you decided
that you want this to happen. You were firm that the juice is worth the squeeze
and you went ahead. It’s the squeezing time. Get through with this. Rip the
band-aid off. After a day or two nothing of this will make sense.” And with no
option, you get through this. In the historical date of events, it will go down
as your marriage. But, to tell the truth, it is not your marriage, but the
marriage of the families. You two were just the focus of it.
You go to your honeymoon, come
back, open the presents and make a note of who all gave you what all. You look
through the pics and make a note of who all attended your wedding despite the
issues of not getting leaves, sickness, boss is very angry, he is marrying a
Muslim, she is marrying a Parsi, etc. You get back to real life and start
living a live-in life as if whatever happened were just a formality and a legal
binding.
In the end, if you are not happy
you are screwed, but if you are happy also you are screwed, because you are
bloody married bro!!
P.S 1: Those of you who didn’t
attend my wedding; save your time, money and efforts in adding me on to your wedding
mailing lists and spare me from the FB wedding invites. Unless, it is going to
be in the same city as I live, I won’t be able to attend it for the free food. You
definitely don’t deserve the gift anyways!! :P
P.S 2: Those of you who were a
part of the wedding, thanks a lot. I know that mere thanks wouldn’t suffice,
but I hope the experience was worth cherishing.
