Why Did You Or Why Didn't You?

Yes. After seeing those semi-nude girls dancing in the beach ad, I will buy only Bacardi CD’s. Nothing else. After seeing Haywards Club Soda ad, the first thing that will come to my mind after having a bad stomach is to drink Haywards soda. Khoob jamega rang, jab mil baithenge teen yaar.. aap, mein aur bagpiper club soda. Akshay, I and Bagpiper will sit in a high stooled round-table and will enjoy Bagpiper Club Soda. What a Utopian world! ITC has garment retail in the name of “Wills Lifestyle” and Oh-my-God, we didn’t know till now that they sold cigarettes with the same name. When I was young, I asked why Wills Lifestyle didn’t sue Wills Navy Cut for using their brand. They are spoiling the garment company’s name by linking it to tobacco products. Are you freaking kidding me!!

Surrogate Advertising has really changed the way things work in the world of advertising. But the pinnacle of surrogate advertising has to be given to the brand which runs an airline to promote its beer brands. Slightly out of context, it’s high time the company has to raise its beer prices by a rupee per pint to save the airlines in return. Surrogate advertising is the innovation that was born when “The Cable Television Network (Regulation) Amendment Bill”, came in force September 8, 2000, which completely prohibited cigarette and alcohol advertisement.

Taking specific useless days like Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, Friendship Day, etc. (it’s my opinion because they all are marketing gimmicks. Don’t act as if you don’t respect your dad, mom or friends on any other day except these. When you need money or any help you go to them respectfully!). So, taking these specific useless days into account, a lot of companies make ads to target their customers based on their brands’ relevance to that specific day. Horlicks broadcasts Mother’s Horlicks ads around Mother’s day. Durex uses Father’s day to innovatively promote its brand, addressing their customers saying that “you could have avoided this day :P”. Although Airtel missed out an opportunity with “Tera-Mera” around friendship day, the ad is becoming increasingly irritating (They were good as long as ARR’s tune was playing in the background). But there were other equally irritating ads that come out during friendship day. So, all these companies used these so-called special days to market their brand simply because they are allowed to do so.

But, one such brand needs a special mention here. They are a premium brand and they need advertising because the Indian whiskey market is more than 100 million cases per year and they are a new entrant. The Cable Television Network (Regulation) Amendment Bill doesn’t allow them to advertise directly. Have they missed a huge opportunity to advertise on a day, which was created in Indian parlance and shares their brand name? May be or maybe not. Why didn’t they follow Foster’s “The Art of Chilling” campaign which mocked Sri Sri Ravishankar’s “The Art of Living” programme? Was it a deliberate strategy to miss out on this surrogate advertising opportunity and telling the market and the outsiders that “we are a true and ethical brand and won’t play with the sentiments of the people”? Or was it an honest mistake given their industry’s history of “I don’t give a damn!”

Whatever it is, Happy TEACHER’S Day!

Cheers!!!

Give it to the man!

Everyone was scratching their heads on what business Subrata Roy Sahara did? Whomever I asked told me that they were earlier in Airlines and later into finance. Apart from Sahara-One channel, since time immemorial they are sponsoring the Indian cricket team and now own the IPL team Pune Warriors India and the Pune stadium at Gahunje (30 km from Pune) is named after the Sahara India Pariwar’s honcho. From a marketing point of view, the Indian cricket team jersey is the best place to place your brand for maximum absorption, retention and recall. But when you don’t know what the product/service the brand promoted, the puzzle gets even more complex for the cricket-crazy viewers. Was it soap, a mobile phone or an energy drink or atleast a bank? No one knew. All they knew was that the jersey looks odd without Sahara printed on it. But why such a bizarre marketing campaign to promote nothing at all? All we look for is an ace up the sleeve of Mr. Sahara.

What I wanted to ask him was when he had his own media channel why didn’t he start a sports channel of his own? In February 2012, he strangled the BCCI by saying that Sahara won’t sponsor the Indian cricket team due to some PWI’s auction purse related issue with the board in IPL V. After 12 days tussle, the Indian team sponsorship was revoked and they got what they wanted. Why not use similar strategies and broadcast IPL as well as cricket in general by creating “Sahara Cricket One”? When you can throw money around like that, expertise is never a problem. All one has to create is a culture and make people believe. Mr. Roy has made people believe that there exists a brand called Sahara. And what does it do? No one knows!

I must admit that he is an impressive businessman. No one knew what business Sahara was running, yet they had all the money in the world. Is that not every businessman’s dream? Their recent product that received much attention was OFCDs (Optionally Fully Convertible Debentures). And what is that? Investopedia says that “A Fully Convertible Debenture is a type of debt security where the whole value of the debenture is convertible into equity shares at the issuer's notice. The ratio of conversion is decided by the issuer when the debenture is issued. Upon conversion, the investors enjoy the same status as ordinary shareholders of the company.” Now, what does Optional FCD mean? Give me your money, in return for which I will give you OFCDs. I will use the money as I wish. I will sponsor the Indian cricket team, will buy IPL teams, build financial institutions, buildings, hotels and infrastructure and create media houses for the betterment of the country and its citizens. In return, I will offer you an OFCD by which you may have the option of owning a share of these aforementioned assets at the end of the tenure.

This is a dream come true for any businessman and he almost managed to do it until Securities and Exchange Board of India (SEBI) intervened. Two days ago the Supreme Court upheld the orders passed by SEBI and Securities Appellate Tribunal (SAT) that had directed Sahara’s two firms – Sahara India Real Estate Corp. Ltd. and Sahara Housing Investment Corp. Ltd. to refund the money to the investors that they had raised through OFCDs. And the total money amounts to Rs. 24,029.73 crore. What Sahara did right or wrong is not for me to decide, but what I like here is Subrata Roy’s courage. He is 64 years old and is still young enough to play the game the hard way. He created a pseudo brand Sahara and established it in a big way! But the question still remains in my mind – What does Sahara do?

In the name of God!

The legend says that when I was born my dad was watching “The sword of Tipu Sultan” on Doordarshan and hence he named me Tippu. As a common factor in South India, my name was followed by an initial “S” which expanded to my dad’s name Sultan Mohideen. Thereafter, I became Tippu S. My mom took me to temples and I was well-versed with pujas and being in a Gujarati school, I learnt Bhagavad Gita. My parents took me to my dad’s relatives’ place and during one particular month of every year, we all had breakfast at 6 in the evening. I didn’t know why. My neighbor was a Christian and with her I went to Sunday classes. By the end of 12 years, I was utterly confused. Who was Allah, Krishna, Ganesh, Murugan, Ayappa, Jesus, et al.? Who were they and how important a part are they playing in my life?

I thought they were all different people who once existed on earth and different people follow different faiths based on their liking, culture and subscription. When I was young, I never thought that religion was a serious issue. Infact, I didn’t know what my religion was until I was 16 years old. Neither of my parents forced me to follow a religion and I never felt the need to be identified with a particular name.

Years went by and the question loomed large in head. I was racially abused for my confusion which was unique to me and I didn’t know if there was anyone to help me out. Not that I needed, but that was the moment the individual in me woke up. Which religion should I take to and there were no answers. I read a lot on Swami Vivekananda, accepted all his philosophies, but somehow couldn’t subscribe to Hinduism. I tried practicing Islam, but it was getting difficult day by day to learn and practice Islam. As people say it is most misunderstood religion in the world, I certainly can vouch for it. No one in the world can follow Islam strictly by the book. Neither did I know how to read Namaz nor did I know some history but, I am a Muslim at the end of the day. My name says so and I believe in God.

When we come into this earth, we are as clean and clear as a Lotus petal, but born in a muddy pond of social class, religion, caste and creed. Involuntarily we are corrupted by it and we attach a name to it and associate ourselves to it. Today we have wars everywhere, people killed and maimed in the name of religions and still, we celebrate our Eid, Diwali, Christmas, et al. and move forward in our life. It is impossible to abolish religions, but the least that we can do is to become tolerant. We don’t need these killings because we are here to live. Isn’t that’s what all religions preach? Wars are conflicts of personal ego overrated in the name of religion. Let’s avoid it because one day in this planet, we will eventually run out of oil!

Eid Mubarak!

Black kills the Red

Gotham may have been the best city to be built and The Dark Knight is its greatest protector. With the kind of buildings, infrastructure, facilities and technology, one would imagine Gotham to be a city belonging to USA. But, what Bane brought upon suggests something else. One could imagine the city of Moscow, Petrograd, Shanghai, Beijing, etc. to have faced the same kind of abuse a few decades ago.

Although Bane was going to destroy the complete city he gave hope to the people of Gotham. He gave hope in the form of power to decide for themselves. These strategies replicate the ones adopted by the Communists at helm during the 1920 until the Berlin Wall fell. They gave people the hope that everyone gets an equal share of everything irrespective of how good/bad you were. Unlike Bane, the Communists of yesteryears didn’t have an iota of idea that they were destroying the human mind in the name of Communism. There was a Nuclear Fusion bomb that was ticking while its equivalent in real time was poverty and human degradation.

The way Gotham was looted by normal beings, sky-rocketing crime-rates, power in the hands of the people who in the first place hated the powerful reminisces the old Communist days. Surely, Nolan has more to his movie than what a trained eye can see. But, this part of integrating a political theory onto the movie and finishing off in style is what he is always best at. I wish to hear if Nolan was inspired by Ayn Rand’s “We the living”. If so, he has been truly inspired and that reflects in each of the scene that he has sculpted. The dark knight did rise high!

What's in a classroom anyway?

One year of MBA is over and life starts to kick back again. Second year has started and when I look back at the year that has passed, I have learnt a lot of important lessons whilst developing some habits which are now an inherent part of the person that I am.

1. Read

Read as if it is the first book that you have ever touched. Read as if there is no end to it. Read the best of the books prescribed by the best people you have ever met in your life. Since, one can’t live everyone’s experiences, read it as they write and live the characters that they describe. Personally, I am far away from completing the BBC top 100 books list, but as an MBA I have an Excel sheet that maintains the progress.

2. Watch
Watch the best of the world movies and documentaries. Suggestions galore, we are in the upward slope of the information age. Anything and everything is captured. Skim the best and watch them. If you haven’t finished the IMDB top 250, it is high time you started working on it. Go to theatres, plays, stand-up comedy shows. Visualize art as there is no end to it.

3. Travel

Travel to places you have never been before. Make excuses and visit those places. Don’t worry about the money because travelling teaches you how to travel far and deep, within yourself and out, while spending less. Explore the place that you are in, including the college library because you never know what strikes you and when.

4. Observe

One of my hobbies is to observe people. An important management lesson that I have learnt – Give people what they want and they will give you what you want. You can get what you want only when you give people what they want. You can give people what they want only when you know what they want. And you can know what they want only when you observe. No one is going to tell you explicitly. Observe and find it out. By sheer observation, you will differentiate between people inspire you, people who will kick beneath the belt, people who will even blow beneath the belt and people who will stand shoulder to shoulder and support you to the end.

5. You are not right always

Another important lesson that I had learnt was that you are not always right. There are more people who are more right than you are. Accept their perspective as there are always three perspectives to anything – yours, mine and ideal. Engineering teaches you how to be right and wrong; management will teach you how to be right and more right. Appreciate it.

6. Stand for what you believe in

Even if it supersedes the previous point, stand for what you believe in. Never be arrogant, but be polite and rational. Stand for what you believe in, even if you will end up making enemies. If you are convinced, persuade and convince others. Persuasion is another important weapon in the arsenal to fight the irrationals.

7. Commit mistakes

Commit as many mistakes as possible and learn from it. Experiment and keep experimenting. It’s always better to go wrong as many times as possible with the prototypes, than going wrong with the final product.

8. Deal with ambiguities

The world is filled with uncertain circumstances. Most of the times, you won’t get all the information to take a perfect decision because perfect decisions don’t exist. It is always a quality of retrospect. So, deal with ambiguities and take the best decision out of the alternatives that you have because life is a trade-off and one has to optimize it.

9. Criticism

I read somewhere that, a critic is a person who knows the way but doesn’t know how to drive a car. One profession that comes close to that description is a consultant. Mind you, in MBA every one is a consultant and everyone has opinions. Everyone has a right to their opinion and you have the right to accept or reject it. Dissect it and find the rationale in it. If you see some truth, gracefully accept it and credit that person. But the truth is that 99% of the criticisms that you would come across are made for the heck of it. Identify the best ones and then invest your time. Take criticisms to your head and praise to your heart and never the other way around.

10. Learn

Each of the aforementioned points will be worthless if you don’t learn anything. Keep learning. Envision, explore, experiment and experience. These four will keep you going as old habits die hard. It is applicable to good habits as well.

While I learnt most of them outside the classroom, the credits go to them who inspired me inside the classroom.

The World in Mumbai

Each city has its own specialties and spoilers. Chennai’s buses are great, but autorickshaws ask for a share in you ancestral home. Calcutta Metro is cool, but the buses seem like matchboxes on wheels. Delhi has good Metro service, nice and clean bus service, but you have our netas roaming around here and there threatening our security in the already unsecure city. But, what makes Mumbai special? Local trains will be the obvious answer. It’s like waking up a physicist in the middle of a deep sleep and asking how much ‘e’ equals to. Like a flash in the pan comes the answer “mc²”.

But, there are a few other good things about Mumbai. Autorichshaws and Taxis run on meter. Although their meter conversion sheets may be fudged, an extra ten rupees won’t do much harm to your pockets. Mumbai’s bus service is also fair enough. But there must always be a reason that can pull a city back and for Mumbai, that is – too many people. Just too many people in the city. Wherever you see, there are lots of people. On a torrential rainy day, Andheri station will be as flooded with people as it is with rainwater. One begins to wonder if the rains brought down water or people!

I travel 60 km every day and I use the services of buses, autos, trains and taxis to cover the distance. My office is in the vicinity of Antilla, Haji Ali and Mahalaxmi temple. Burkha-clad women visiting Haji Ali with their families, day-in and day-out while Hindu families enjoying their worship at Mahalaxmi temple. 27-storied bread loaf Antilla on one side, while settlements on the seaside on the other. I work near this place where India’s classification’s culmination is at its best!

I usually take a train from Kanjur Marg station. I can do bungee jumping everyday of my life rather than fight with strangers to get into the local train. The biggest problem being, you really don’t know which one of the guy you are fighting with is the HR head of which conglomerate. But, being taller with a hefty build has its own advantage and I make sure that I use it properly. Once got in, the second race begins – the race for the spot. The spot which is closer to your side of the exit and also where there is proper ventilation. I suddenly feel that I am in a train bogey filled with Sheldon Coopers, “Move it. It’s my spot!” Everyone is in war with everyone else. Push, nudge, budge, punch are all the keywords one has to be well-versed with. Inching towards Kurla, the train gets more crowded. There is an eerie silence when the train comes to Sion. As soon as Sion passes, there is a lot of movement inside the bogie. People are getting ready for the war. The war that everyone wages on everyone else. Looking into their eyes, I listen to what their angry eyes say. They say, “This is Sparta.”

Matunga passes by. People are more restless now. They slowly inch towards the exit like programmed zombies. Step-by-step. When the next station comes, everyone shouts as if it is a battlefield. This is not Sparta anymore, “This is Dadar”. Watches’ glass broken, spectacles flying around, my earphones became someone else’s and someone else’s mine, souls stolen and true to its word, “This is Dadar.” Once the train starts to move, there is calm after the storm. Life comes back to normalcy. Everyone goes back to their office only to wait until evening to fight the “Battle of Dadar” at the sanctimonious Dadar Railway Station.

Dawn with the Lamp Shade

There is just too much negativity in the surroundings. The rupee fell from the top of Antilla and has entered the phase of dying a slow death, petrol price having an inverse relationship with the rupee, shot up, corrupt politicians dancing to the tunes of “Pungi Bajakar” as their Parliament sessions came to a close was well shielded by IPL, cronies of them crying that every IPL match is fixed and still watch them anyway, torrents banned in the country, AI pilots still on strike, KF Airlines would have recovered had he increased the price of a pint by Re. 1, mining regulatory problems continue, 2G-3G-4G fiascos are falling apart like a Parle-G dipped in hot tea and various other issues that come under the “C” class issues of Pareto Analysis. Flicking the essence from Animal Farm and a slight modifying suits well for our country – “In this country, everyone is equal, but just that some are more equal”. Amidst all these, people dream.

There is a lot of hostility around us. Everyone is ignored by everyone yet conveying the fact to everyone that everyone is ignored by everyone. We don’t respect our fellow citizens. No one smiles, no one cares and no one laughs. Suddenly it seems as if people have forgotten the basics of life. There is nothing called courtesy, while yelling is the newest form of communication. How about an App for that too?? How simple life would have been, if only people used all the smileys that they use in text messages and chats in real life?

One learned person said that we need to learn to handle ambiguities and uncertainties. But the real challenge here is, what is ambiguous today may not be ambiguous tomorrow, but may be ambiguous the day after. The situation that we deal here is uncertainty in ambiguity. A few years before, we could ascertain if we are in an ambiguous situation or not, but now we are uncertain about ambiguity and are caught in the web. That web was created by ourselves and the easiest way out that we have designed is to blame others. Our problems have evolved over time and have become more robust, but not our solutions – we still blame others.

This is a country with varied problems, but a varied history too. We have weathered changes and have come a long way forward. Dictatorship will not prevail here and what we see right now won’t last long. Things will change and let us be the change. To survive in a hostile environment and handle the situation without getting angry or frustrated is the greatest challenge that an ordinary man with extraordinary dreams face.

I am a Racist

“They expect you to give concise answers and don’t beat around the bush.”

“Ok. Mental models and stuffs. Get it. So, where are you from?”

“I am from Chennai.”

“What!! Are you Tamil??????”

Two minutes into the first conversation and that is the question I encounter. Guys introducing their girlfriends play the game of “Guess where this guy is from?” “Uttar Pradesh?? Himachal Pradesh??” I wish so. Leopold’s Café’s security guy pointing at me asks my group of friends if they are with this Punjabi guy. Hearing a Bengali conversation about how much they have contributed to the per capita Roshogulla consumption, I join their banter and gleefully accepted as one of them in no time.

I am a Tamizhan. For easy pronunciation, I am a Tamilian. A Madrasi in pure terms. I am from a varied cultural background – Dad, a Muslim and mom, a Hindu. I have never been told/asked/reprimanded/forced/cajoled to follow any religion. I studied in a “Saet-tu” school (KPCVSS) managed by Gujratis. 70% of my teachers were Brahmins and so was my school’s tradition, so I know most of Gita. Since my neighbor was a Christian, I have attended the Sunday sermons and have seen too many a Christmas. “Well, of course”, my other half of my family follows Islam and I am a part there as well. Because of school, many of my friends are “Saet-tu” a.k.a Marwaris. FYI, almost all of my “Saet-tu” classmates are married now.

I didn’t know to speak Hindi, until I joined NIT Durgapur. My first words were, “I am Tippu from Chennai and I don’t know Hindi.” My group-mates were from Uttar Pradesh and that explains the most part of it. I have been with Bengalis, Biharis, Punjabis, Gujaratis, Gultis, Kannadikas, Rajasthanis, Assamese; people from North-Eastern India (don’t bloody call them Chinkis). I learnt so much from them that my friends back in Chennai say that I have changed. Come on! Give me a break!! I am bound to change. As I tell in every interview, “the exposure one gets is unmatchable”. Blame it on Rachel Green, Naughty America or Robin Scherbatsky, the idea of hooking up with a blonde was always instilled in my mind. Give GRE, score decently and there you go to USA was the writing on the wall until “Jab We Met” changed it to a Punjabi kudi.

Then I went to Orissa (oops!! Odisha) and worked there for two years and as obviously as it may sound I learnt all the unparliamentary Oriya words. Then, went back to Chennai and found a sea of change there. My Tamizh (Tamil for others) was outdated; there were lots of additions to the colloquial language and I felt like a Domar (means a person who doesn’t know the meaning of Domar). Now, the city Mumbai has happened in my life and learning a lot of the “Aahey!” culture. The only piece of the puzzle missing is North India and one can expect that also to happen very soon in my life.

One ubiquitous listing that was missed in the whole length of my life story in a nutshell was Mallus! All through my life there was a Mallu who followed me (or I followed them) diligently. My first tuition teacher (who later became my greatest well-wisher/family friend), my school best friends Ajith and Anu were Mallus. I thought the Mallu following was over when I went to NIT only to find that I my roommate was a Mallu, Sangeet (who is my best friend again). When I went to work, I met my very good friend Akhil, another Mallu. And finally a life dedicated to a ferocious Mallu, Sharanya. I had the option of being with a hot North Indian girl eating Paani Puri at Chandni Chowk or with a Bengali eating Chom-chom at Park Street or with a sexy Mumbaikar eating Vada-pav at Bandra, but I chose a beautiful girl eating Idly-vada at Marina.

We Indians are the most racist people in the world. I am qualified to say that. Because we judge a person on where he is from, from his/her surname, the way he/she speaks and behaves. Yet we crib that other nations racially discriminate us. I have faced a lot of racism in my life and thanks to the good racists that I have met, I have learnt to accept it, come to terms with it, now it’s a part of life. Now, I am that big an expert racist that, I can say where a person is from, from the way one pronounces the word “Be***C**d”. If he doesn’t use the word, he is a Madrasi!! :P